Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend ask me why I was still single. I said I'm single by choice..... Unfortunately it's not by my choce
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens in the shower stays in the shower....... Bet your loofah has some interesting stories it can tell
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how a single terd can shut down a water park.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 15:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between carbon monoxie and my wife is..... Carbon monoxie is a silent killer.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 15:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon People laugh at the inventor of nitrous oxide.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 14:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about my wife's bj..... The five minutes of silence
←Rate | 05-06-2018 22:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice to long?....... Polaroids
←Rate | 05-06-2018 22:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a nun with a sex change operation....... A tran-sister
←Rate | 05-06-2018 22:02 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I devorced my wife because she like having sex in the morning after I left for work.
←Rate | 05-06-2018 21:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's coffee is so strong it puts hair on your chest........ And takes it off if you spill it.
←Rate | 05-06-2018 07:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear they're making a remake of the Never Ending Story. It starts with a man asking a woman how her day was.
←Rate | 05-05-2018 20:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is so fat that she keeps walking into things....... Like Mc. Donald's Dunkin Donuts Dairy Queen etc etc etc
←Rate | 05-05-2018 20:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got 40 winks on the suaway........ I knew I shouldn't of worn this pink T-shirt.
←Rate | 05-05-2018 16:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Egghead: What mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
←Rate | 05-04-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you bored and broke? Do you have 40 spare hours to fill every week ? Would you like to earn thousands of dollars a month? Then get a job like the rest of us you bumb.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (5)  


   messageicon The French eat snails because they don't like fast food.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 14:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when teenage girls kept a diary and got pissed off if anyone read it? Now days they put everything on facebook and get pissed off when they don't.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's nagging started right on cue. "Stand up straight..... Don't sluch..... Look at me when I'm talking to you." I don't know why I keep rewatching our wedding tape.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


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