@topherjordan Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Your bra is the biggest liar I know.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 12:50 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about shopping at Wal-Mart is getting the whole soap/personal care section all to yourself.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 11:05 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you think about it, it's probably best not to think about it.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 15:42 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why am I still up? No wait, better yet, why am I still sober?
←Rate | 12-15-2012 04:21 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm eating nothing but comfort food tonight...cookies, ice cream, pizza. I don't even care, but I think I'm starting to like food way more than people.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 21:53 by @topherjordan Comments (1)  


   messageicon I consider myself a social drinker....which means I'm pretty much social all the time.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 19:45 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore --Said no one ever!
←Rate | 12-06-2012 21:05 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
←Rate | 12-06-2012 15:32 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where there is alcohol, there is a way.
←Rate | 12-04-2012 19:26 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I don't know what I'm talking about and you try and correct me!
←Rate | 12-04-2012 12:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you posted that worthless legal disclaimer on your Facebook page, you might also want to post that you won't be signing autographs when you get off of work at 5 today.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 09:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a big piece of pie in the fridge late last night with a note that said, "Don't eat me"....Now there's an empty plate with a new note that says, "Don't tell me what to do!"
←Rate | 11-25-2012 01:20 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm only going to be online until I get off.
←Rate | 11-23-2012 15:30 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there is an afterlife, I will spend all of it in the statistics archives looking up how many beers I drank, hours I spent on fb, etc...
←Rate | 11-09-2012 02:54 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-26-2012 23:53 by @topherjordan Comments (3)  


   messageicon The key to forgiving somebody is to remember that not everyone is perfect like you.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 12:10 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon My objective is to die young...as late in life as possible...
←Rate | 09-19-2012 12:31 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I never use a smiley face in any of the texts I send you.....it's safe to say I don't like you.
←Rate | 09-17-2012 17:08 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a dream last night that everyone I loved abandoned me. Morgan Freeman was there too. Man. That guy's in everything.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 13:42 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a shout out to all my friends that like shout outs!
←Rate | 08-19-2012 14:45 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  




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