@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   I'm writing a book about cheap imported cars... It's a real Saab story.

   I love those sayings that have 2 opposite words in them... Exact Estimate - Act Naturally - Small Crowd - Found Missing - Happily Married...

   I used to think it was fine to eat Taco Bell twice in one week... I sit corrected.

   The doctor called me in his office and said be positive. I said why doc what's wrong? He said nothing... that's your blood type.

   I'm pretty sure Knick, Knack and Patty Whack have given me the bone today.

   There comes a point in every unicyclist's life when he sees a bicycle and says, "Jesus, they make them with 2 wheels now. I've been a fool."

   When I die, I want to be cremated regardless of cost... I feel like I've urned it.

   “When it Absowutewy, Positivewy has to be thewe ovewnight." ~ FuddEx

   I bet people don't even wear capes in Cape Town.

   When I was a kid I used to call my house after curfew wait for my mom to answer and say, 'I got it Mom' then hang up and stay out all night.

   I used to suffer from major blackouts. This one time,...I have no idea what happened.

   Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don't feel like doing.

   there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?

   If you need help in a hurry at Best Buy... just begin shoving a CD in your pants.

   Pulling your phone out in front of your friends has the same effect as yawning.

   Everyone was so quick to point out the obvious typo in my "Meating in the conference room" email.... until I pelted them with bologna.

   If you wake up with zits all over your face... you may be suffering from sleep acnea.

   Best of luck to Ja Rule today as he enters Ja il.

   I bet it takes a female kangaroo forever to find anything in her pouch.

   ... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.