@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   Because of "YOLO", MILFS are now 16 years old.

   Want to know the best way to make friends? Tell a woman you love her and she will say "I think we're just friends"

   My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am but she didn't know the password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in

   People getting out of prison will probably be on Myspace now saying "Where's everybody at?"

   If your boyfriend isn't strong enough to pick you up and pin you up against the wall, you have a girlfriend

   How is McDonald's delivery not a thing yet? I can order a wife from another country but I can't get someone to bring me a Big Mac?

   Your password must contain at least 8 letters, a capital, a plot, a protagonist with good character development, a twist and a happy ending

   Who else does this? 1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. starts brushing teeth

   69... Some might call it nasty... I call it a romantic dinner for 2

   If you don't talk in a group chat for 5 minutes you miss 42 sets of plans and 56 arguments but if you say something you don't get a reply

   On Valentine's Day, yet again I'll be in the house on my own watching films and eating a takeaway with no one to talk to. I really can't see a downside

   if my girl drops $50 while we're walking, then it's her lucky day because I'm picking it up and i'm going to be a great boyfriend and buy her lunch.....

   Stop complaining about being single on Valentine's Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald's doesn't serve breakfast after 10.30

   It's always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing domino's"

   4 years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times

   Deleting my Facebook soon" = "Please give me attention and ask me why I'm deleting my Facebook account and beg for me to stay so I can feel important"

   If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

   People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow

   You can assume that, for the next 2 weeks, there is Baileys in every cup of coffee I drink.

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.