father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.
←Rate | 06-20-2016 20:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guess who's not getting anything for father's day....Bruce Jenner
←Rate | 06-20-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies
←Rate | 06-20-2016 00:42 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 15:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ivanka Trump is writing a new book called "Women Who Work: Rewriting The Rules Of Success." Rule number 1 is having a wealthy, powerful father.
←Rate | 06-10-2016 01:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father
←Rate | 06-01-2016 03:12 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.
←Rate | 03-24-2016 09:24 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day must be the most confusing day in the ghetto.
←Rate | 03-19-2016 15:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tattoos don't make you a whore. Going on Maury 6 times and STILL can't find your baby's father? That makes you a whore.
←Rate | 02-25-2016 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
←Rate | 12-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!
←Rate | 11-21-2015 13:07 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after Luke won the lottery.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.
←Rate | 11-11-2015 12:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 35 years since my last confession, and I only ended up here because I thought it was the bathroom...Amen
←Rate | 11-06-2015 13:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you look in the mirror & say Candyman 3 times, my father will appear & tell you that you're getting fat.
←Rate | 07-04-2015 23:37 Comments (0)  

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