m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Every branch is full of hard-working intelligent people that always has our best interest in mind...I love the way our government it run. Are you getting this NSA?
←Rate | 06-12-2013 15:03 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The tattoos girls lower back should all read; "This Side Up."
←Rate | 06-27-2013 10:56 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone that eats 6 tacos instead of running will soon be running whether they like it or not.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 11:40 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Meatless lasagna goes real well with a double cheeseburger.
←Rate | 07-01-2013 00:14 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when a wasted weekend had absolutely nothing to do with being unproductive.
←Rate | 07-01-2013 00:14 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
←Rate | 07-01-2013 17:00 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon My middle finger seems to get more exercise on Monday than any other day of the week.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 07:45 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon You should never fully trust the person who seems to never have to get out of the pool to take a bathroom break.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 20:04 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is a hand on each shoulder, it's not a prostate exam.
←Rate | 07-09-2013 15:35 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Long Island Iced Tea drinks should be called "Learn to Plank in one evening."
←Rate | 07-09-2013 16:48 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every day is "hump day" to my neighbor's dog....get off of my leg you mangy mutt!
←Rate | 07-10-2013 10:40 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twinkies are returning to the store shelves which means that people will be renewing their Jenny Craig membership in the very near future.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 16:49 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gravity didn't seem this strong twenty-five years ago. :-/
←Rate | 07-12-2013 16:54 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.
←Rate | 07-15-2013 09:27 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
←Rate | 07-15-2013 14:09 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chocolate covered raisins are another way to say; "I hate you."
←Rate | 07-16-2013 15:14 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pepper spray and a restraining order just takes all of the romance out of the relationship.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 17:19 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon ****Drum roll please****I am glad to announce that today I became a 1 gallon blood donor. Hold your applause because it was not by choice...a mega-swarm of mosquitoes forcibly removed that gallon of blood from me when I accidently wondered int
←Rate | 07-20-2013 17:45 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon If recent events has taught us anything it is that you can never completely trust a Weiner.
←Rate | 07-24-2013 10:10 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I woke up from a deep sleep to find my very despised ex girlfriend standing at the foot of my bed...she was naked and holding a 12 pack of beer in one hand and a large pizza in the other hand...this works for me.
←Rate | 07-31-2013 20:20 by m Comments (0)  

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