sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I even lose my panties when I masturbate.
←Rate | 01-19-2013 12:46 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I want negative in my life is pregnancy tests.
←Rate | 01-19-2013 13:31 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ladies; Beware of sensitive poetry and inspirational-stuff-writing guys. In my experience they cry after sex, ramble about rainbows and deer and insist that you cuddle.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 11:04 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got a lot of respect for born again Christian women. God bless you all. (One less slut out there for me to compete with.)
←Rate | 01-21-2013 14:07 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want a monster in my bed, not under it.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 14:08 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named the spider in my kitchen 'Kris Kross' because it made me jump.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 12:34 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys like it when girls go commando, so I assassinated a Nicaraguan dictator.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 12:47 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter asked me to help her with her math homework so I had to sit her down and explain that people with big boobs don't need to do math
←Rate | 02-06-2013 08:14 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The tattoos in your shirtless profile pic say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 11:09 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I'm going crazy, then I remember that I'm a woman.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 07:22 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, this ass is going to have to learn to tap itself.
←Rate | 02-11-2013 07:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to not be a douchebag.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 03:11 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon If my cat could talk I have a feeling it would tell me "stop talking to me crazy woman and go get laid"
←Rate | 03-07-2013 06:59 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got roses from a vegan. Not sure if they are supposed to be a snack or a decoration. Anyway, they're pretty. Maybe I'll eat just one.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 13:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas; For every minute you spend 'down there,' I'll donate a dollar to Michael Douglas' Throat Cancer Research Fund.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 12:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to get white girl wasted,scream wooo at strangers, cry in a bathroom,take a pic in said bathroom flashing a gang sign & call it a night
←Rate | 06-13-2013 12:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy are you my bank statements because you're hilarious
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of times I've tried to stick my key in other people's locks just to see if it fits is probably the reason I wasn't given a d*ck
←Rate | 06-19-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's have phone sex and you can hang up on me before I'm done to keep it realistic
←Rate | 06-22-2013 13:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband gets so confused when I say yes to sex, you'd think I changed the location of his food bowl.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 12:41 by Sarah Comments (0)  




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