mm Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The best gift of all, is freedom and health. Merry Christmas
←Rate | 12-19-2021 14:30 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.
←Rate | 12-22-2021 13:35 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait to have make up sex... I've been arguing with myself all day.
←Rate | 12-22-2021 15:05 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him.
←Rate | 12-22-2021 19:15 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking the intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...
←Rate | 12-24-2021 15:55 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.
←Rate | 12-30-2021 16:26 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one...
←Rate | 01-01-2022 19:14 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be funny to secretly place a sex toy in someone else's yard sale then stand back and watch the reactions.
←Rate | 01-07-2022 21:14 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Facebook, never judge a woman by his profile picture.
←Rate | 01-14-2022 16:37 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holding a grudge don't make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn't make you weak; it sets you free.
←Rate | 01-20-2022 15:09 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just heard two lesbians arguing. One said "if you ain't cheating" let me smell your mouth...
←Rate | 01-21-2022 12:09 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been said we will see the Bengals in the Super Bowl when hell freezes over... Well, here we go.
←Rate | 02-03-2022 16:59 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes Amazon, I'm still watching. Stop being so insecure.
←Rate | 02-08-2022 18:09 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seeking one-night stand... Possibly 2 because I have two lamps.
←Rate | 02-09-2022 14:59 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon People can't go to sleep if any of their phone apps need to be updated, but will drive their car with the check engine light on until it explodes.
←Rate | 02-09-2022 16:32 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon You have four years to fix this country Joe. What are you doing instead? Talking about Trump every single day!
←Rate | 02-10-2022 18:46 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their stuff...
←Rate | 02-10-2022 19:28 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
←Rate | 02-11-2022 16:33 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.
←Rate | 02-12-2022 09:54 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it...
←Rate | 02-12-2022 10:00 by MM Comments (0)  




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