hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero!
←Rate | 11-30-2012 04:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says "Drive faster and put me under the seat."
←Rate | 01-01-2012 07:48 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane over the ocean wearing a superman costume.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 14:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.
←Rate | 09-30-2012 05:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 04:56 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..
←Rate | 12-08-2012 18:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do the second day, I have no idea.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 04:25 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of everything I've ever accomplished in my life, I'm most proud of the fact that I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore.
←Rate | 01-04-2012 05:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 17:30 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
←Rate | 11-13-2012 05:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mind and my body are starting to strongly disagree about how old I am.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:40 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!
←Rate | 11-04-2012 10:02 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon May need to leave Facebook until after the election so I can maintain respect for some of my family and friends
←Rate | 09-08-2012 07:54 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:57 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?
←Rate | 01-01-2012 18:54 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
←Rate | 01-08-2012 08:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard a woman at Walmart call herself a "cougar." Good term - it flows better than "old whore."
←Rate | 03-01-2012 20:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 34, looking for some action!", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
←Rate | 10-14-2012 07:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


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