MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon It's the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
←Rate | 02-21-2013 07:49 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a guy getting mugged. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 14:15 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife stepped out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the damned drain is clogged again."
←Rate | 02-09-2018 17:10 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
←Rate | 02-10-2018 08:11 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon 12 miles on the treadmill in 68 minutes! ..... tomorrow, I might actually get on it.
←Rate | 04-24-2013 18:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year
←Rate | 02-13-2018 07:41 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...I'm begining to think my Amish friend isn't going to text me.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 19:23 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon "This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "What the hell have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've just woke up."
←Rate | 08-17-2016 07:10 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? ...Well that's how guys feel about push-up bras
←Rate | 02-09-2018 17:11 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find it weird that we still use animals for product testing when there are at least 37 million Bieber fans out there.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 07:35 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a well known fact... buying cheap toilet-paper can lead to a self violation.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 08:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay
←Rate | 02-14-2017 07:52 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..nothing up here, try further down the page.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 10:28 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.
←Rate | 02-13-2017 07:24 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nelson Mandela is dead. he has done some simply stunning things in his lifetime, my favorite was his performance as Red in Shawshank Redemption.
←Rate | 12-05-2013 17:47 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was looking out the window when my wife asked what I was staring at. I mumbled, "Must be about 32C out there..." is that the temperature? she asked "No! the neighbor lady is sunbathing topless" I replied
←Rate | 07-18-2013 22:55 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:41 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn't believe him at first, but I went this afternoon and I feel ten years older already
←Rate | 04-26-2013 17:09 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *REMEMBER ...Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 17:05 by MDS Comments (0)  

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