JAKE Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to look like a productive hubby. Add things to your to do list that dosen't need to be done. So you'll have things crossed off when your wife checks the list.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 01:00 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I see lover's names craved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:20 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice if you could adjust the brightness level of people like you can on your TV?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:56 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won, though.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 13:30 by Jake Comments (3)  

   messageicon Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't always have to be in a rush. The early bird may get the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:20 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 01:11 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a gay casino, a queen beats a straight every time.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 02:06 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I realized I wasn't my parents favorite kid when they ask me to help blow up ballonns for my twin brother's surprise birthday party.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 20:40 by Jake Comments (0)  

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