minnie haha Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Definitions: It is an "Asteroid" when traveling through space. It becomes a "Meteor" once it enters Earth's atmosphere. It is a "Meteorite" once it hits the ground. And it is "holymotherofgodwhatthehelljusthappened?!?" if it hits anywhere near you.
←Rate | 02-15-2013 21:16 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whiskey and Ambien. When you absolutely, positively, have to wake up naked on your neighbors lawn holding a mailbox.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 12:09 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, this whole Mayan 12/21 thing - does anyone know if that's Mayan Standard Time or Mayan Daylight Time? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 15:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
←Rate | 02-04-2013 10:18 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for a new bra.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 15:26 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
←Rate | 02-04-2013 21:47 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 18:49 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon This job fair sucks... They don't have one ride...
←Rate | 03-09-2013 15:32 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Text from hubby: Wanna go to Lowe’s and get a new toilet seat tonight? Me: Hell yeah! In your face single people. IN. YOUR. FACE.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 15:28 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
←Rate | 10-05-2013 16:36 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tomato basil soup is just a fancy way to make people drink pizza sauce.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 13:11 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn't figure out how to get the cork back in it.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 12:35 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a can of beer last night and on the side it said “Best Drunk Before August, 2012". I've just e-mailed them thanking them for that prestigious award which, of course I graciously accept....
←Rate | 07-14-2012 22:38 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.
←Rate | 02-02-2013 19:55 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. Just great. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 23:43 by minnie haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn't have to end at work.
←Rate | 03-13-2013 19:08 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I donated blood today. Now I can be secure in the knowledge that somewhere, some fortunate person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to dance badly, sing off key loudly, and giggle a lot as they walk into things. And a hangover.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 10:37 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs....
←Rate | 01-29-2013 16:02 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Subway lawsuit defense ... maybe the sub was cold.
←Rate | 01-26-2013 15:05 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anything ever happens to me, this family is in trouble. Apparently I'm the only one around here who has the recipe for ice cubes and knows where the dishwasher is located. The remote control is safe, though.
←Rate | 06-10-2013 13:06 by minnie haha Comments (0)  



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