m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out!
←Rate | 02-01-2010 13:26 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have been very drunk before but not "wake up with a Kardashian" drunk.
←Rate | 09-25-2014 09:10 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't mind when others use my gun for target practice...it's always nice to have a second set of finger prints on a gun.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 10:17 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have been informed that my problems now have problems...I find this to be problematic.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 14:54 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who ever said talk is cheap never got a bill from a lawyer for a 30 minute consultation.
←Rate | 03-25-2013 12:24 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am surprised no one has consulted Michael Jackson's doctor for advice on what drugs to use to for quick, painless executions.
←Rate | 07-30-2014 07:49 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Half time" is that point in time when you are too full to eat a whole slice of pizza but you have plenty of room if you cut that piece into two pieces and eat them separately.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 19:58 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see what the big deal is with the legalization of pot in Washington D.C. is...I always thought those people were smoking something anyway.
←Rate | 02-26-2015 14:45 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gravity didn't seem this strong twenty-five years ago. :-/
←Rate | 07-12-2013 16:54 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 09:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pine cone in laying on the bottom of the pool looks like something much more troubling.
←Rate | 08-19-2014 08:54 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon My middle finger seems to get more exercise on Monday than any other day of the week.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 07:45 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 14:13 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is a hand on each shoulder, it's not a prostate exam.
←Rate | 07-09-2013 15:35 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the PR firm hired by Ray Rice; It doesn't matter how much you polish a turd, it's still a turd.
←Rate | 09-10-2014 07:20 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Skeet shooting will be a popular way to do Christmas shopping once Amazon starts delivering packages with drones.
←Rate | 12-17-2013 16:30 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, we do not have video of our baby's birth but we do have some very fine shots of his conception.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 12:43 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tequila makes the world go around...I mean the room, it makes the room go around. :-/
←Rate | 03-09-2013 07:19 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife thought she was having her first hot flash but it turns out that it was just her boob in her cup of tea.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 13:06 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have no adult supervision today and there is a peanut butter pie in the fridge...this will not end well.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 08:16 by M Comments (0)  

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