hovo Funny Status Messages

   Just told AT&T that I'd make a payment on my cell phone Sunday, so I'm really banking on this rapture sh*t..

   was talking with my neighbor when we saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said "Are you going to help?" I said No, six should be enough.

   I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.

   I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my tree house

   Today, it took 473 licks to get to the center of my Tootsie Pop. You're welcome, World.

   The test of Love is not how long it survives, but how it renews itself with each passing day.

   If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people.

   Sometimes I feel like only Google understands what I'm trying to say...

   This unicorn sitting next to me is saying that I drank too much.

   Don't make the same typo I did in a text to my girlfriend: "Having a great time wish you were her."

   Hey I like how you do your makeup! Really? Thanks :) Ya do you just dip your face in or use a brush?

   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

   Too bad you can't photoshop your ugly personality.

   Dang, these gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen.

   I wonder if butterflies get humans in their stomach when they're anxious?

   Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices..

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work..

   You know you're high when you look in the mirror ..and your reflection is Charlie Sheen!

   "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger this afternoon and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."

   So 'Lol' has become the new , 'Yep I have nothing to say'