eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr. Huxtable was an OB/GYN with an office in his home basement. I mean, come on...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:30 by eengrms Comments (2)  


   messageicon I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
←Rate | 11-02-2014 10:37 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon The level of patience I have with stupid people is actually pretty remarkable...
←Rate | 06-12-2013 05:50 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation....
←Rate | 07-02-2015 19:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want an Amazon Echo because I don't need another thing in my house that talks back to me...
←Rate | 02-10-2016 14:36 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when emojis were just called clip art and everyone thought they were stupid?
←Rate | 07-06-2015 23:16 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't want to interact with other human beings today if I can help it...
←Rate | 12-15-2014 15:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...
←Rate | 02-21-2013 10:43 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon People setting up GoFundMe's because they can't afford a TV... Don't you know that's what lay-a-way is for?
←Rate | 04-26-2016 21:49 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that post to thirty people."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 21:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's cool how our pinky finger evolved into a cell phone stand...
←Rate | 08-23-2015 11:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...
←Rate | 03-25-2013 19:05 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I wish my iPhone would interfere with the airplane's navigation equipment and we would land in California instead of Detroit....
←Rate | 02-06-2013 08:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...
←Rate | 03-20-2013 22:36 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ashley Madison's servers were hacked, just in case your husband seems really nervous today for no reason...
←Rate | 07-20-2015 10:59 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the universe didn't want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn't have four slots on my toaster...
←Rate | 01-25-2014 12:29 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, will Brian Williams still claim he chopped it down?
←Rate | 02-10-2015 18:23 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon The American Music Awards are so predictable... I didn't win a single award again this year...
←Rate | 11-24-2013 22:42 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Representatives from AOL say that no one from North Korea has dialed in to their service for almost 8 hours now...
←Rate | 12-22-2014 19:10 by eengrms Comments (0)  



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