eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
←Rate | 02-17-2014 20:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today was the kind of day where I understand how someone could become an alcoholic...
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:01 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want an Amazon Echo because I don't need another thing in my house that talks back to me...
←Rate | 02-10-2016 14:36 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon This election is just dragging on too long. It's like the world's longest Nicolas Cage movie...
←Rate | 05-03-2016 14:28 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr. Huxtable was an OB/GYN with an office in his home basement. I mean, come on...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:30 by eengrms Comments (2)  


   messageicon I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
←Rate | 11-02-2014 10:37 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation....
←Rate | 07-02-2015 19:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I wish my iPhone would interfere with the airplane's navigation equipment and we would land in California instead of Detroit....
←Rate | 02-06-2013 08:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when emojis were just called clip art and everyone thought they were stupid?
←Rate | 07-06-2015 23:16 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?
←Rate | 01-19-2018 19:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't want to interact with other human beings today if I can help it...
←Rate | 12-15-2014 15:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...
←Rate | 02-21-2013 10:43 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to celebrate an anti-mothers day to reward those kids who made it through high school without getting knocked up...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 14:25 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...
←Rate | 03-25-2013 19:05 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that post to thirty people."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 21:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's cool how our pinky finger evolved into a cell phone stand...
←Rate | 08-23-2015 11:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...
←Rate | 03-20-2013 22:36 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Representatives from AOL say that no one from North Korea has dialed in to their service for almost 8 hours now...
←Rate | 12-22-2014 19:10 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ashley Madison's servers were hacked, just in case your husband seems really nervous today for no reason...
←Rate | 07-20-2015 10:59 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the universe didn't want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn't have four slots on my toaster...
←Rate | 01-25-2014 12:29 by eengrms Comments (0)  




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