Tim Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Remember: A butt dial and a booty call are two entirely different things.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 21:13 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Curiosity: Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:48 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon • Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:33 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and gently whisper "Who did this to you?"
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:31 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon microwaving metal objects.
←Rate | 06-07-2009 17:43 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest eat a banana.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:24 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon The answer to the Westboro Baptist Church protests of military funerals is to aim the 21 gun salute at them.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:31 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,
←Rate | 01-07-2010 09:42 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boys she's not a whore she's just more friendly then most...
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:20 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks chihuahuas are really regular size dogs in tight skin. All that made it out was their eyes! That would explain why they're so angry.
←Rate | 03-21-2010 23:41 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....
←Rate | 08-26-2009 11:56 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if there are gay terrorists. "Hey, Mr. Embassy man... two snaps ka-boom!"
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:32 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:28 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wifes new nickname is Karma
←Rate | 04-16-2011 22:57 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you see the new scratch off Lotto tickets at the Quikee mart? The jackpot is a Nobel peace prize!
←Rate | 10-10-2009 01:10 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon | That whale grabbed the trainer by the ponytail and took her under. That is why that advice to, "remember when working with seafood, to always wear a hair net" is so important.
←Rate | 02-27-2010 08:46 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that while many auto manufactures put the brakes on due to this global ressession, Toyota just kept on rollin'.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 10:45 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants a Sunggie made out of ShamWow material
←Rate | 07-07-2009 01:44 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some stuff gets better with age, other stuff feels the effects of gravity.
←Rate | 02-07-2010 00:27 by Tim Comments (0)  



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