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X says There's a difference between being funny and being annoying.
X says I GOT ALL KINDS OF B1TCHES!!! German shepards, chihuahuas, dobermans, poodles...
X says Mosquitoes are just vampire flies.
X says Never trust anyone that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter.
X says When people ask me "Plz" because it's shorter than "Please" I tell them "No" because it's shorter than "Yes."
X says I don't drink so that I'm more fun to be around. I drink so that you're more fun to be around.
X says I want to explore every inch and curve or your anatomy; I want to become fluent in YOUR body language.
X says Just place a STUDENT DRIVER sticker on top of your car, and suddenly no one suspects you of drunk driving at 8am.
X says One of the biggest lies ever: The doctor will be with you in a couple of minutes.
X says I will always cut through a gas station parking lot to avoid a red light.
X says You should know you'll get loud when you start drinking. It says right there on the label, "Alcohol by volume."
X says I would say that one day you'll be working for me, but I don't have any intention on running a strip club.
X says You know you're getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
X says The world is not full of a$$holes. BUT, they are strategically placed so that you are sure to bumb into at least one every day.
X says I wanna apologize for my behavior yesterday. I take allergy medicine and you're not suppose to mix it with 16 shots of tequila
X says Monday must be male. It always comes too fast.
X Seen on a prison wall: "VIRGINITY - who says you can only lose it once?"
X says What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?............ The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.
X says Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my pen!s.
X says You know you've been friendzoned if a girl adds you as her brother on Facebook.