Mick F Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My girlfriend and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:44 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 18:12 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...Unique is an understatement, I'm just plain ol' messed up.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 07:19 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is more money being spent on breast implants and Vi*gra today than on Alzheimer's research. By 2040, there should be a lot of old people with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 06:23 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
←Rate | 10-07-2011 17:36 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't friend request someone just because they have a pretty face. I friend request them if they have a pretty face and big t*ts.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 23:50 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 16:22 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't sleep. There's nothing on TV except the Home Shopping Club, so I called 'em. They answer, "Home Shopping Club!" I said, "Hi." They said, "Can we help you?" I go, "Nah, I'm just looking."
←Rate | 08-07-2011 06:34 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was at the store, and there was an old lady looking at turkeys. She asked,"Do you think these turkeys will get any bigger closer to the holiday?" I said, "No." She asked, "Why?" I go, "Because they're dead."
←Rate | 11-13-2011 11:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman had an operation to reduce the size of her vaginal lips. The next day, there were flowers delivered. It was from a guy in the burn unit thanking her for his new ears.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 20:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm shallow, insecure, narcissistic, schizophrenic, neurotic, sociopathic, and egocentric. I also have a few bad traits.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 07:14 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pharmaceutical Generics: Tylenol=acetamophen, Aleve=naproxen, Advil=ibuprofen. Viagara=mycoxafloppin.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 19:16 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet Journal, Day 4: Going well. Lost 4 lbs already and the neighbor's daschunds are looking less like chocolate eclairs.
←Rate | 10-27-2011 23:02 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you guys ever get the idea while growing up that your parents never really listened to you? One time I asked my mom if I could go outside and watch the solar eclipse and she goes, "Okay, but don't get too close."
←Rate | 08-14-2011 08:17 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met an old Air Force guy. He said the first time he was gonna jump out of a plane he was scared. He said the Captain told him to jump, or he'd stick his d**k where the "sun don't shine". I go, "Did you jump?" He said, "A little."
←Rate | 09-08-2011 14:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people have the emotional depth of rainfall collected in a thimble at the Sahara Desert.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 17:25 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!
←Rate | 09-26-2011 06:43 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
←Rate | 09-29-2011 10:48 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look. If there's a chick wearing a dog collar in her profile pic, she's got a friend request coming from me. Period.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 08:26 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?
←Rate | 10-09-2011 19:33 by Mick F Comments (0)  



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