McKibben Funny Status Messages

   Was at Home Depot last night and I saw two Southwest Pilots looking for roofing material ....this can't be good!!

   Yesterday, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea admitted the band faked playing during the Super Bowl. In his defense, so did the Broncos.

   Sylvester Stallone and his buddy Arnold Schwarzenegger have teamed up, and they've got a blockbuster action movie opening this weekend. They're a little older now than they use to be, but go see the movie. It's called "Escape From Assisted Living."

   Go to Google and type in.... "DO A BARREL ROLL"

   Today a judge sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 30 days in jail for violating her probation. Or as Kim Kardashian put it, “30 days? That's like four marriages!”

   According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it's simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.

   CVS is no longer selling cigarettes. They say, "It's the right thing to do for our customers and our company in their path for better health." I go to CVS all the time. If they want to promote better health, maybe they should stop selling Cheese Whiz, Cir

   If you suddenly find 715 new planets, is that a discovery or were you just not looking hard enough in the first place?

   Yesterday in California a couple walking their dog found $10 million worth of rare coins buried in the ground. It's the biggest stash of coins found since Oprah had her couch cushions cleaned.

   A guy broke into my house last week, he didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick Nut.....

   A new survey found that 25 percent of Americans will spend less on Halloween this year because of the government shutdown's effect on the economy. Which explains that new party game — “Bobbing for Ramen Noodles.”

   You heard about the snowstorm in Georgia. A snowstorm in Atlanta resulted in a 10-hour traffic jam. To which people in Los Angeles responded, "You guys need snow for that?

   Jerk** I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

   After appearing in a commercial during the Super Bowl, people are accusing Bob Dylan of selling out. Today Dylan responded by saying, "Everyone needs to calm down, have a Bud Light, and relax at a Sandals Resort."

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   If you could be sold for what you think you're worth, we could all retire!

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   Love me like Oprah loves bread!

   It is so HOT in my town ... Water in public swimming pools is evaporating so fast that children are being encouraged to swim in the deep end and keep ignoring the,"no peeing" rule...

   The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.