MTQ Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I met a farmer who genetically altered a chicken to have six legs so his kids didn't fight over the drumsticks. I asked him how it tasted. He said he didn't know. He couldn't catch it.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 16:10 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon If aliens were to intercept facebook signals, they'd conclude the only things we have to eat and drink here on Earth is bacon, cats, coffee and vodka.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 20:59 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon If any of you ever have to identify my dead body, I'd appreciate you saying it's not me.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 06:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 07:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs to change up the Poke thing. They need to add a "Mad Passionate Pelvic Thrust" button.
←Rate | 01-05-2012 10:31 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
←Rate | 09-01-2011 10:58 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what I do, I cannot get any kudos from my girlfriend. If I walked on water she'd say, "What, you can't swim?"
←Rate | 09-13-2011 08:17 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping for major changes in 2012. Like getting ice out of the freezer and not having one piece always falling on the floor.
←Rate | 01-01-2012 08:41 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aerosmith on the Today Show. Willard Scott Wished them all a happy 100th birthday.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 08:44 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:25 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fortune Cookie: Woman who go fishing with six men...go home with red snapper.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 08:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally happened...knew it was coming....my beeper broke. Anyone know where to get a good deal on a new one?
←Rate | 11-09-2012 08:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word on the street: Johnny Depp is single. The other word on the street: You don't stand a chance.
←Rate | 07-10-2012 14:38 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love it when a fat person says, "That's the way I roll."
←Rate | 08-18-2011 20:40 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why doesn't facebook just change the Poke to what it really means. "Bend over, I'll drive."
←Rate | 08-12-2011 07:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 19:36 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
←Rate | 12-29-2011 18:14 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't actually pay a h00ker to sleep with you, you pay her to leave.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 13:26 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who are, "Just sayin'" should try, "Just shutting the f**k up."
←Rate | 08-13-2011 08:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can someone text me a donut?
←Rate | 07-01-2011 10:26 by MTQ Comments (0)  




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