MBH Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I don't care how bad I have to go, I will hold it until I'm clocked back in after lunch. If I have to be here, you WILL pay me to use the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:35 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know it's too early when you try to put the cereal box in the refrigerator.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:38 by MBH Comments (1)  

   messageicon This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."
←Rate | 08-22-2010 17:59 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Old: Never take candy from strangers. New: Never click links from strangers.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:03 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men leave the house thinking someone wants to have sex with them so they pack condoms. Women think the same so they pack mace and a taser.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 15:34 by MBH Comments (2)  

   messageicon Whenever people are speaking a different language in front of me, I automatically assume they're talking about me and give them a dirty look just to let them know I'm on to them.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:33 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon While driving I listen to my music fairly loud until the minute I can't find something I'm looking for. Then there must be complete silence in order for me to see.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:53 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of my pet peeves is women who don't put the toilet seat back up when they're finished.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:27 by MBH Comments (4)  

   messageicon Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:58 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:41 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I grow up I'd like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
←Rate | 08-28-2010 04:57 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you count, it's called push-ups. When you don't, it's called sex.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:27 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Victoria's Secret: objects in this t-shirt may be smaller than they appear.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:39 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:03 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're really curious whether or not you're ugly, just tell a co-worker of the opposite sex that their ass looks really hot when they wear those pants. If he/she reports you for sexual harassment, there's your answser.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:52 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never thought I would be one of those people who get up early to hit the gym every day. I was right.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:51 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey, candy bar companies: My bite size far exceeds your pathetic estimates.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:21 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon BP has released a statement saying most Gulf residents are not upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy.That's like Al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 14:09 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone says, "Expect the unexpected," I like to punch them in the face to express my agreement.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:01 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Tits" is such a friendly word. You can't say "tits" without smiling. I only typed it and I'm smiling right now.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:31 by MBH Comments (0)  

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