Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.

   I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.

   Anyone here with one leg? I have a ton of socks you can have.

   The fatter the man, the more Hawaiian the shirt.

   Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.

   Thighs that slap together when you walk are just giving the owner an applause.

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.

   You'll install an anti virus on your computer but not on your kids?

   There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   I need a vacation that I may or may not ever come back from.

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING????

   What if they made a Kindle that doesn't run out of battery? Like, a book.

   Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.

   Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.

   My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

   Fact: You're not a true vegan unless you tell 10 people every day

   My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.