Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   The fatter the man, the more Hawaiian the shirt.

   There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.

   I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   What if they made a Kindle that doesn't run out of battery? Like, a book.

   Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.

   Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.

   My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

   My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

   If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.

   It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.

   My Crocs say I'm always down for a good time but my fanny pack lets you know I'm prepared for anything.

   I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.

   All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

   Men are born with a gene that allows them to know what the hell is going on in movies.

   You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.

   Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.