Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The fact that I can buy a song while on the toilet using my phone means no one is really working on cancer, are they?
←Rate | 04-30-2010 12:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...
←Rate | 05-03-2010 19:23 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:34 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't call you crazy. All I said was, "you look like you might own 400 cats"
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is a universal truth that everything you do is at least 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake anyone up.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 18:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to the asshole who parked too close: "Sorry about your car door. I liked it so much I put a ding on it."
←Rate | 05-10-2010 13:57 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of "Congrats" and "Best wishes" but no "I still question your sexuality" anywhere.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 12:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.
←Rate | 06-30-2010 22:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people would be less likely to piss me off if they knew how much I watch Forensic Files
←Rate | 07-15-2010 19:18 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...
←Rate | 05-04-2010 22:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people insist on speaking to me? It pretty much never goes well.
←Rate | 05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I truly wonder how much better life would be if people were required to fill out a CAPTCHA before breeding.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you were a kid, your biggest decision was "Duck Hunt or Mario Bros."
←Rate | 06-01-2010 22:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Observation: Any story that ends with "Anyway, it was really funny" is not really funny.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 18:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear DNA experts, please come up with a small insect that is genetically designed to annoy flies. Maybe even a small insect that bites mosquitoes. Thanks
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!
←Rate | 05-21-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  



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