JeremyCakes Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I can't watch Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars. Whenever they swing her around the dance floor, I'm scared more babies will fly out!
←Rate | 03-31-2010 19:23 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender" I'll have..........a beer." The bartender says" What's with the huge pause?" The bear shrugs and says "I was born with them".
←Rate | 04-21-2010 17:59 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Considering the number of paternity tests Maury Povich has on his show, I think he should change the shows name from " The Maury Povich show" to "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?".
←Rate | 12-04-2010 08:22 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried to join the X Men, but they turned me down. Apparently they don't consider being able to burp out the theme song from Family guy to be a real superpower
←Rate | 02-01-2011 19:03 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canada has never made and weapons of mass destruction. We don't need them. Canada has poutine and Justin Beiber. If we make our enemies eat poutine and listen to some Beiber cds, we'll do more damage to thier arteries and eardrums than WMD's ever could.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 09:34 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm canadian and I want to say to America, Hey I love you guys, but seriously, you gotta take Jersey Shore off the air! You guys work on that and we'll see what we can do about Nickleback and Justin Beiber.
←Rate | 07-20-2011 23:10 by JeremyCakes Comments (1)  

   messageicon I found a skull near my home today. I went to call the police, but curiosity got the better of me and I picked the skull up and wondered "Who was this person?","Where did he come from?" "How did he die?",and "Why did he have moose antlers?"
←Rate | 02-12-2011 19:51 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had a dream I was stranded on a deserted island with Dracula and Rosie O donnell. Pretty spooky! One is a evil being that is pale,and will drain the life out of you.....And the other one's a vampire.
←Rate | 04-04-2010 21:51 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points.
←Rate | 01-11-2011 17:33 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 20:40 by JeremyCakes Comments (2)  

   messageicon here to remind you to help control the golfer population. Have your tiger spayed or neutered.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:54 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Dora the explorer is on drugs! She never seems to know where to go next and spends all day talking to a map, a backpack and a monkey.
←Rate | 09-30-2010 15:12 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy hears his wife's voice from the kitchen, "What would you like for dinner my love? chicken, beef or lamb?" He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken." she yells back, "You're having soup you jerk! I was talking to the cat!"
←Rate | 04-13-2010 18:53 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hopefully Paris Hilton never becomes a vampire. Sure she loves the nightlife, but she'll go nuts not being able to see her refection every 10 minutes.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 07:33 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you'll feed him for life. Give a octopus nunchuks and nobody's going to bother those fish again.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 18:06 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snooki is going to be hosting WWE raw on monday. Finally, a good match for Hornswoggle
←Rate | 03-09-2011 13:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see why people have to say in thier status they they are getting in the shower. I don't want to picture your bare fat behind in the shower!
←Rate | 04-08-2010 15:38 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!
←Rate | 01-28-2011 22:15 by JeremyCakes Comments (1)  

   messageicon I remember the good old days before reality tv when you actually needed talent to be a celiberty. Hey Spencer and Heidi, I'm looking in your direction! And lets not forget you Mss Tequila!
←Rate | 04-18-2010 22:23 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy from kentucky won a 60 million dollar jackpot recently. He said he's going to split all the money with his wife and sister. Wow, that's one lucky woman.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 09:12 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

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