JMartin Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When I stay at a man's house that I want to see again I always "accidentally" lose something there, like my phone, my sweater, or my dignity.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:12 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words, 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells THEIRS?
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:13 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only a real genius could say these four words fast without getting tongue tied: eye, yam, stew, peed
←Rate | 12-09-2012 21:12 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 09:20 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing I hate most about getting too drunk at my office Christmas party, is looking for a new job the next day.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 17:50 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon In order to raise awareness of Alzheimer's Disease, I will be randomly deleting people from my facebook.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 13:22 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when I'm bored, I bounce my boobs on the jfdslkhdjkhkjdvvgffdzbsldk;/ffdlskn\/njvglnxlk\cz/\/sl/\sn
←Rate | 09-22-2012 17:23 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.
←Rate | 12-09-2012 16:50 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boyfriend says I treat him like a child. So I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 15:21 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only resolution I've ever managed to stick with, was when I resolved not to make resolutions I can't stick with.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 13:08 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grammar died so that Facebook could live.
←Rate | 09-25-2012 10:39 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when a co-worker offers to make themselves “perfectly clear” but then I can still see them…and hear them.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 17:24 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think I'm AWESOME? (a) Yes (b) a (c) b
←Rate | 09-25-2012 10:38 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pet butterfly just got a tattoo of my lower back.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:05 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kate Middleton's fetus is already richer than I'll ever be. :(
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:00 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that I think about it, the Good Humor man never said anything funny. But, who needs a personality when you have ice cream?
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:55 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The mullet is just a helmet for domestic violence.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 13:20 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:04 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baby Jesus doesn't care if my gift to you came from the dollar store and neither should you.
←Rate | 12-09-2012 16:53 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dyslexic zombies crave Brians.
←Rate | 09-25-2012 10:36 by JMartin Comments (0)  



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