@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
←Rate | 04-09-2017 23:52 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 18:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon 12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife
←Rate | 11-17-2016 11:37 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
←Rate | 04-13-2017 18:59 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day, #Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 01-15-2017 10:46 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon An #Asian in charge of #Transportation? Plus also being #female? I plead the 5th on the grounds of making people mad with the joke I have.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 01:38 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage Lifelesson: Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
←Rate | 01-09-2017 22:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.
←Rate | 02-08-2017 20:02 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spent 20 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 11:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 10:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?
←Rate | 11-14-2016 13:17 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian. That my dear people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.
←Rate | 01-25-2017 08:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
←Rate | 02-21-2017 21:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you teeter between, "Woo Hoo, the week is half over" and *tear*, "the week is only half over.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 09:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".
←Rate | 11-14-2016 21:41 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 21:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon ¡¡¡¡ǝʞɐʇsıɯ ʎq pɹɐoqʎǝʞ uɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ɐ ʇɥƃnoq ı dlǝɥ
←Rate | 12-02-2016 20:03 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:43 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..
←Rate | 02-02-2017 20:05 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

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