@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by every rock or pebble in the road.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 13:18 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just ordered a plunger and a spatula on Amazon so next time you order one and it recommends the other, you can thank me
←Rate | 05-20-2018 23:15 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
←Rate | 04-09-2017 23:52 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
←Rate | 04-13-2017 18:59 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 18:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife
←Rate | 11-17-2016 11:37 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Back in my day, #Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 01-15-2017 10:46 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon An #Asian in charge of #Transportation? Plus also being #female? I plead the 5th on the grounds of making people mad with the joke I have.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 01:38 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage Lifelesson: Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
←Rate | 01-09-2017 22:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.
←Rate | 02-08-2017 20:02 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spent 20 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 11:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love millennials. Their are so many parallel parking spaces they don't know how to park.
←Rate | 04-01-2018 20:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 12:24 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 10:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?
←Rate | 11-14-2016 13:17 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian. That my dear people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.
←Rate | 01-25-2017 08:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
←Rate | 02-21-2017 21:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you teeter between, "Woo Hoo, the week is half over" and *tear*, "the week is only half over.
←Rate | 11-16-2016 09:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  




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