@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   You hoes saying you're leaving America but can't even leave your boyfriend after he's cheated on you 32 times

   Am I the only person who feels like Christmas didn't even happen?

   Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...I had to smash."

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday

   It's Monday. I'm refreshed and ready to hate my Job

   If you friendzone me, help me bang your other friends then. Bestie

   If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work.

   Stop complaining about being single on Valentine's Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald's doesn't serve breakfast after 10.30

   It's always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing domino's"

   They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their mind

   Who else does this? 1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. starts brushing teeth

   R.I.P to any guy that ever cheats on Ronda Rousey

   You can assume that, for the next 2 weeks, there is Baileys in every cup of coffee I drink.

   If your boyfriend isn't strong enough to pick you up and pin you up against the wall, you have a girlfriend

   I want a girl that likes long romantic walks. Because I don't have a car.

   Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister

   WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don't fcuking care

   Because of "YOLO", MILFS are now 16 years old.