hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   You can't change the past, but you can spoil the present, by worrying about the future.

   "It's not a contest." - losers

   Katy Perry kissed a guy that looks like a girl and apparently didn't like it.

   If you play "the next song that plays on shuffle is our song" game with me, you better be okay with "Batdance".

   Just found out "Groupons" are just coupons for Grey Poupon. If you try to redeem them for anything else at Walmart you will be arrested.

   The only mistake that I regret is the one where I let you live after you reminded me of every mistake that I've made.

   I hate making phone calls so much I'd probably skip my one and just stay in jail.

   If you were getting sexts from someone you're not interested in, does that mean you got molexted? Or is it textual harassment??

   A girl told me today "a lot of guys want me" I told her " that doesn't surprise me, keep in mind honey that cheap things usually attract many customers"

   They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. Well, I'm in a posh restaurant right now, and I've got a spider in a matchbox that says otherwise.

   Facebook would be a lot better if they had an “Ignore all engagement and wedding posts” option

   Before you make up your mind, open it.

   If you think paper beats rock, please hold this piece of paper in front of your face for a second…

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me.

   If I ever get pulled over again, I am gonna sing the "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there" song and wave both hands at the police officer like I am doing a magic trick.

   It's so hot I witnessed my dog catch fire while "draggin' ass" on my dead lawn.

   To make sure your neighbor knows it was their car alarm that went off, it can be helpful to put a cinderblock through their windshield.

   My Mama is gonna be pissed when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.

   To get back at the boss for no Christmas bonus, my goal is to rub my balls on everything in his office by New Years. Luckily I started in June.

   Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in walmart was staring at me.