hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   There's no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.

   The brawl at the Mall of America says more about our country than any five history books ever could.

   Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me "relax...it's only gas".

   Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.

   My New Year's resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.

   Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.

   I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

   There's nothing more awkward then asking "who is this" when getting a heartfelt holiday text.

   I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.

   Whenever there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

   I don't know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   Christmas - when loved ones visit to celebrate someone born in a barn but complain that your sofabed's uncomfortable.

   Merry Christmas! Or as my grandma always says, "there are whispers coming from the poinsettia again."

   For Christmas I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.

   I guess my main gifts are in the garage or still at the pet store or something. This is the only rational explanation I can think of.

   Sure it looks like an innocent candy cane now, but give me 5-7 minutes and it'll be a dagger I can take out my enemies with.

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me.

   Being single is great! Except for the paying for everything yourself part.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, So now theres a dell rolling in the deep.