StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

   The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

   Some people say “If you can't beat them, join them”. I say “If you can't beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

   I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights....just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he's getting hit by a train.

   It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.

   Let's give thanks we live in a country where political disagreements are expressed with poorly spelled Facebook posts instead of missiles.

   If you're reading this while camping out in front of Walmart. You're a douche bag.

   After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.

   Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

   I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to look sexy af naked!

   Afroman was going to vote. But then he got high..

   I was gonna vote. But the I got high.

   You know what is sweeter than the laughter from a child? The sound of silence from not having any kids.

   Next time you're asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."

   Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it.

   A man's a woman's best friend.He'll never let her down,comfort her after a bad day,inspire her to do what she never thought she could.He'll enable her to express her deepest emotions, & enable her to be confident & sexy. Wait it's wine that does that, n

   Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

   I'm sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because you are an adult with braces.

   I don't want to sound ignorant but if I can't understand something... then it's stupid and I hate it.