Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I'm living proof that misery actually hates company.

   "Do you live with your parents too?" - Not the best pickup line.

   I'm the avocado of people. While you wait and wait for me to mature enough to be enjoyable, I sneakily transition into a disgusting mess.

   I couldn't handle life if I wasn't weird.

   No thanks speed dating. I'll settle for being awkward one date at a time.

   [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together

   I can't relate to people who "forget to eat"

   If no one is there to touch you, are you really there?

   I'm available if you wanna dance with somebody or wanna feel the heat with somebody... just sayin.

   A woman will type "I'm fine" while she is crying.

   "Excuse me, are you using this mirror?" - Me, at the gym

   Yes I will disappoint you, but I will disappoint you with style.

   january 2014: "this will be my year" august 2014: "I swear 2015 will be my year"

   Nothing says "I would rather be with someone else" quite like cheating.

   How can I lose weight if the best part of my day is based on food?

   Women have no issue with their man having a female friend *as long as she's elderly, obese or severely disabled

   Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you're not hanging out with enough people.

   Sweep her off her feet guys. Chicks are really impressed with UFC skills

   You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.

   I was gonna call you... but I'm still sober.