Jake Funny Status Messages

   My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.

   My wife is so fat, she eats a snack between snacks.

   I just got 40 winks on the suaway........ I knew I shouldn't of worn this pink T-shirt.

   Ladies, you can tell that your boyfriend really likes you when he removes the dirty dishes from the kitchen sink before peeing in it.

   If there are three ducks on a pond and you shoot one how many would be left on the pond? None. The other two would fly away after hearing the gun shot.

   Bought a stick deodarant. Instruction say "remove cap and push up bottom"....... I have trouble walking, but when I fart, the room does smells nice.

   A man injured his hand at work. The doctor said sorry but we need to amputate one of your fingers. Man ask the hole finger? Doctor said no, the one next to it.

   No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.

   What happens in the shower stays in the shower....... Bet your loofah has some interesting stories it can tell

   What's the matter with you guys? Did you break your laugh box or something?

   Being a human cannibal is the only job where you can be fired evey day and still keep your job :)

   My wife is so fat, that she only needs a cup of water in the tub to take a bath.

   Who's your daddy takes on a whole new meaning in the ghetto.

   Neighbor are the only one who lissen to both side of an argument.

   If you have a bladder infection, "urine" trouble.

   My dog is not a good guard dog, so I replaced him. I really feel stupid barking at the postman.

   On the day that daylight saving time begins. Every husband should have sex with their wife at 1:55am this way the wife can't complain about it only lasting ten minutes

   I know I'am a man and not a mouse. If I were a mouse my wife would be afraid of me.

   Silence is golden. Unless you have a house full of young kids.

   Last Halloween night while at a bus stop. I saw a priest, a nun and a prostitute pass buy. Still don't know if they were wearing a costume for Halloween or not.