hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   My number one New Year's Resolution is: Don't die.

   You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says "Drive faster and put me under the seat."

   Facebook would be a lot better if they had an “Ignore all engagement and wedding posts” option

   Slippery Slope of New Years Resolutions: 1st Resolution: Go to the gym every day. 2nd: Feel guilty for not going. 3rd: Pie.

   Blasting Chumbawumba, and I'm not gonna stop until the realtor showing the house next door pays me to.

   Waxing every inch of male body hair is still more masculine than saying the word 'Man-scaping.'

   My new year's resolution is to improve my powers of concentra......... oh look a squirrel

   I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.

   Global warming sucks but I'm kind of looking forward to riding a jet ski to work every day.

   This dude working at Subway is looking at me like he's never had anybody ask him to put some Government Cheese on a sub sandwich before.

   watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven't taken him away from his parents yet.

   I just changed the name of my wireless network to....♫ ♪ Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi ♪ ♫

   Before Twitter Americans had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of their favorite celebrities.

   All these end-of-the-year top 10 things that happened in 2011 lists must be handy for people who were asleep all year or dead.

   The only mistake that I regret is the one where I let you live after you reminded me of every mistake that I've made.

   Strong just means you suck up the pain better not that it doesn't hurt.

   You say drug dealer, I say illegal happiness entrepreneur.

   Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house

   I think about running away from home more often as an adult than I ever did when I was a kid.

   Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else