huck Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Who else is still wearing their Halloween costume?! Didn't think I'd be keeping it on for days but everyone's really digging me as Pikachu!
←Rate | 11-04-2014 12:00 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.
←Rate | 11-10-2014 11:28 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read a burglar in Nova Scotia fled a crime scene in a canoe. The only way this could be more Canadian is if he was stopped by a police beaver dam.
←Rate | 11-12-2014 05:47 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Preferred Forms of Contact (In Order): 1) Email 2) Text 3) Social Media 4) Group Message 5) entering My Shower in a "Scream" Mask 6) Phone
←Rate | 11-14-2014 13:50 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:20 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
←Rate | 11-23-2014 07:18 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgot to close a finger quote. Sorry the last seven years sounded so sarcastic.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 05:41 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
←Rate | 11-29-2014 20:13 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there's something seriously wrong with Eeyore
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:57 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "OK...that Trust Exercise didn't go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let's keep quiet about this...AS A TEAM!"
←Rate | 12-06-2014 07:01 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do medications always have side effects like 'anal leakage' & 'suicidal thoughts'? Why not 'invisibility' or 'spontaneous orgasms'?
←Rate | 12-12-2014 05:31 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo if you’re brave enough.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:19 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't say anything nice, at least be vague with a touch of sarcasm, so you can share it with your friends behind their back later
←Rate | 12-26-2014 06:49 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Detectives, we have a grisly murder whose investigation will be most likely result in being killed. Who's one day away from retirement?"
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:54 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I don't see color." - A person who shouldn't eat snow
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:03 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon The jerk store called. *removes hat* I'm afraid there's been an accident.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:16 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make introductions
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:37 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: Dogs don't like when you pet their fur in the wrong direction because it exposes the tribal tattoos they got in college
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:25 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop
←Rate | 01-24-2015 06:16 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I save time by showing up at my doctor's appointment already wearing a paper gown
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:04 by huck Comments (0)  




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