hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Why is it cute when your 3 year old presses her nose against the glass outside the ice cream shop? Whenever I do that I'm told to back off because I'm scaring the customers

   When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...I feel like I just won the lottery.

   Wondering why MTV hasn't done "15 and Slutty" yet. Seems kinda like a no-brainer.

   Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.

   You never see the GEICO Gecko driving a car in any of those commercials. I find that suspicious..

   One politician endorsing another is like poo endorsing diarrhea.

   On this Presidents day we celebrate our great leaders; Washington, the father of our country, Lincoln, who freed the slaves, Reagan, who tore down that wall and Kennedy, who banged Marilyn Monroe.

   I'm following my dreams because I tried reality and that didn't work out so well.

   Whenever I see a fly on a plane, I'm amazed by the wisdom of that choice.

   If friends could be bought at the store, I'd have gotten a good deal on mine, because those “slightly irregular” bins are always discounted

   If people were meant to pop out of bed first thing in the morning, we'd all sleep in toasters.

   They should just make highway rest stops out of Purell.

   In my darker moments I despair over the injustices I will never be able to stop. Greed. Hunger. Plague. Here Comes Honey-boo-boo

   If anyone ever moans about you leaving a pile clothes on the floor, just tell them it's a dead Jedi.

   What's it called when you can't commit to a girl for more than a month but you've been using the same brand toothpaste for 15 years?

   I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.

   The closest I've come to Tebowing was that time I fell asleep on the toilet at work.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   I'll probably never love anything as much as this sweet old lady sitting next to me at the Blackjack table loves her next cigarette.

   If I were a Kardashian, I would be Kikoo the developmentally disabled one who lives in the pool house and makes designer drool bibs.