santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Once again this year, Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

   Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf

   Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   breaking news... sorry folks, christmas has been cancelled due to santa being fired for asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.

   Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   I bought a new Christmas Tree today. The shop owner said to me, "Are you going to put that up yourself?", "No" I replied, "I was thinking to put it in the Lounge!"

   With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.

   Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.

   I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!

   Want to confuse people this Halloween? Wear a Santa Claus suit as your costume.

   It's October...Which means it's time for people to put up the Christmas decorations they took down in July.

   Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

   Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......

   All of these special little "holidays..." I heard they were gonna have a national "I Don't Give A Sh*t" day... But no one gave a sh*t so it never happened.