hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...

   If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

   It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year

   People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them.

   I was wondering about my genealogy so I traced my family tree. Leaf it to me to trace my roots only to find out I'm the sap.

   So I've never done cocaine, but I have a question. Why do people do it in the bathroom? If you were doing a drug that you had to sniff really hard to do, isn't someplace where people poop not the ideal place?

   It's almost that time of year where I don't have to feel weird about eating cookies shaped like people.

   The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.

   Can someone help me with this? I wanted some homemade honey, but I don't know how many bees to put in this blender...so far it tastes horrible.

   I knew she was "Trouble" from the moment the announcer at the strip club introduced her as so.

   The first person that falls asleep at my parties doesn't get written on or their hand in warm water. They get the phone numbers of their girlfriend and ex-girlfriend switched in their cell phone.

   I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don't know anything about cars, but I do know how po rn starts off

   Just finished at Walmart and McDonald's. On my way to visit a family member in prison to complete the trifecta.

   Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt. I said: Don't live, you might die..

   So How long do I microwave these teenage turtles before I can teach them karate ?

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..

   Every Taylor Swift song sounds like a long drawn out Facebook status

   In my darker moments I despair over the injustices I will never be able to stop. Greed. Hunger. Plague. Here Comes Honey-boo-boo

   Hey teenage girls, Santa saw your facebook. Now you're only getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

   Just played the board game Clue, The "Who killed music" version. Well turns out it was Nicki Minaj, in the studio, with a microphone.