hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   The best tasting thing at Whole Foods is not nearly as good as the worst tasting thing at Dunkin' Donuts.

   Hope the boss learns not to call people in on Saturday afternoon with no advance notice. Half the department is drunk! This should go well.

   Muffins are just ugly cupcakes

   I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.

   If by “Hold” you mean take a moment to reflect on your poor customer service and how I should take my business elsewhere? Then yes, I’ll hold.

   All these end-of-the-year top 10 things that happened in 2011 lists must be handy for people who were asleep all year or dead.

   "Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you!"- women

   I was wondering about my genealogy so I traced my family tree. Leaf it to me to trace my roots only to find out I'm the sap.

   Not putting metal in your microwave also means not feeling like an awesome sorcerer in your own kitchen.

   Started off 2013 right by hitting the gym bright and early, mainly because they wouldn't cancel my membership over the phone.

   I've never understood the big deal some people make when they clean house and say "you can eat off the floor"...on any given day, there's enough food on my floor to feed a small family...

   Christmas - when loved ones visit to celebrate someone born in a barn but complain that your sofabed's uncomfortable.

   The most powerful microscope can see the diameter of a hydrogen atom. If you look through that you still couldn't see how little I care about your drama

   I wish they made Off Clip On Repellent for creepy people at WalMart

   Say no to drugs. But if the drugs you took are talking to you, then please share them with me.

   I have discovered that when you give people advice through the medium of interpretive dance, they quickly regret asking you for it, and go away.

   No officer, I didn't see you in my rear view; my eyes haven't left my phone for at least the past 5 miles.

   I know there's no such thing as evolution because if there was my Facebook page would've grown a "punch" button by now.

   Strong just means you suck up the pain better not that it doesn't hurt.

   You say drug dealer, I say illegal happiness entrepreneur.