Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Cops never say "Thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed." It's just plain selfish!
←Rate | 04-14-2010 21:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing ruins a perfectly pleasant day like going to work.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 17:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't pay Facebook $2 to 'promote' your latest status. Simply send me half that amount, and I'll repeat it to all my friends in real life. For an extra 50c, I'll throw in a funny face when I say it.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 19:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids hate it when they open their new toy only to find out that batteries are not included. So do women.
←Rate | 11-14-2012 20:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I am on vacation I put in my Out of Office message to contact Batman with any problems, as I feel he is the only one qualified to replace me anyway.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 16:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is so little food in my house right now I think I saw some ants putting together a grocery list.
←Rate | 11-09-2011 11:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men think about sex every seven seconds. The rest of the time is spent trying to come with a lie when a woman asks, "What are you thinking?"
←Rate | 05-11-2012 10:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw some chick get her nipple pierced last night..... Man, I am so bad at darts when I'm drunk.
←Rate | 06-30-2012 16:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I zone out and forget what I'm supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon We just got a fax at work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
←Rate | 10-07-2015 19:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear McDonalds cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy b!tch.
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I saw a woman with a Breast Cancer Awareness t-shirt that said "Yes they're fake, My real ones tried to kill me!"
←Rate | 10-07-2010 19:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe how much of this stuff at the self checkout is free.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!
←Rate | 02-02-2012 14:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the caller I.D. reads "unavailable" then so am I.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 09:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted... How's that working' out?
←Rate | 03-04-2010 14:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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