Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underpants looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids hate it when they open their new toy only to find out that batteries are not included. So do women.
←Rate | 11-14-2012 20:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear McDonalds cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy b!tch.
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a woman with a Breast Cancer Awareness t-shirt that said "Yes they're fake, My real ones tried to kill me!"
←Rate | 10-07-2010 19:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe how much of this stuff at the self checkout is free.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!
←Rate | 02-02-2012 14:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 09:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the caller I.D. reads "unavailable" then so am I.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted... How's that working' out?
←Rate | 03-04-2010 14:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Sarah.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 13:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kharma, what did I do to deserve this?! ...Oh, now I remember. Carry on then.
←Rate | 05-23-2011 13:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."
←Rate | 07-21-2010 21:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKIN'? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I put the mirror down!
←Rate | 05-18-2010 17:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
←Rate | 12-28-2010 18:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when people would literally get mad at you if you didn't put them in your top 8 friends on Myspace?
←Rate | 11-23-2010 14:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It feels like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see flies everywhere but the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 15:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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