Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   It's impossible to give 110% -- so right off the bat you are lying to me.

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!

   Does this joke format make MY ASS look big?

   I really wanted to tell someone how much I appreciated them but then I realized cake had no ears :(

   China is the only country that gets to have towns in just about every city in the world.

   I like to go to telemarketing firms and interrupt their job by eating my dinner loudly.

   All I really want is someone to go out on an expensive date, but not order more that 5 items off the dollar menu. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!

   My favorite post of yours is........ the one I hitch you to at night.

   “I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullsh*t”

   My blonde girlfriend has such a useless sense of direction, I'm amazed she made it out of the birth canal.

   You hate yourself? Cool, I guess we do have something in common....... I hate you too. Let's date.

   I think the best thing about being in the house of a hoarder is that you can take stuff home with you and they would never even notice.

   I think that if that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better.

   I would like to make a Facebook page called "Deez Nuts," just to see how many people LIKE Deez Nuts...

   It took a lot of persuasion and reasoning on my part at this 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, but anyway... long story short... I'm about to go down on the waitress.

   If you're friending me on Facebook ONLY because you want a nail or you have a lost cow in Farmville, the joke's on you! I play Mafia Wars!

   If it's a lady, I like to speak quickly in the drive-thru at Burger King by saying: "I have a Whopper!" When they ask: "what would you like on it?" YOU!

   Do fathers who live in barns say to their kids "Open that door! What do you live in a regular house?"

   In case you guys are wondering how screwed up my brain is... I saw a little girl at the store throwing her teddy bear up in the air saying, "he likes to get high" and all I could think was "don't we all sweetie."

   The economy must be bad. I just saw Micheal J Fox working at Home Depot. He was in the paint department.