Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Wanna have some fun? Put a stethoscope around your neck, walk into a hospital waiting room and say "I have very bad news for one of you... I'll be back." Then walk out.

   I had a toy drive yesterday. I ran over all the toys the brats next door left in my yard.

   Here's one for the women.......................... It's a 5-speed vibrator kind of day.

   Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that's my Dad for ya.

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   I cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee.

   I think that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   People like you are the reason people like me take pills... and I'm OK with that. ;)

   I saw a sign in the store that said "pants up to 80% off" so I ran right in and everyone had their pants on. :(

   Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go Jesus. It's yer birfday. We gonna party like it's yer birfday. We gonna sip some egg nog like it's yer birfday. And you know we gonna give some gifts cuz dats yer birfday.

   I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse when most of you won't even stand up to a spider.

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   I'm takin' the fact that I have one neighbor who doesn't wave at me.. as a sign that she likes bags of flamin' dog poop on her porch.

   Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise...

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.

   Three fun thing to do at Walmart: 1. Paint Hitler mustaches on all the smiley faces. 2. Have the manager page Mr. Harry Bawls. 3. Dress in hopes of being photographed for "People of Walmart."

   Any relationship before marriage is just training.

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.