Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   MTV Cribs is a nice reminder that we all act like complete idiots when we come into money.

   I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.

   If you always do what you have always done, then you will get what you have always got.

   Oh crap... you said laser tag? I thought it was taser tag. Well hopefully that kid wakes up soon... sorry about that.

   There's a difference between leaving her unsatisfied and hungry for more.

   I'm not saying I'm lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my truck so I just wrote back "nah"

   Don't ask my opinion right now.. I am completely honest when I'm sick..

   I managed to work out by tracing backwards to where my relationships with women started to go wrong... I traced it back to... "and God created Eve."

   Hey guys, if you wanna know if your new girl is keepin' up with her "womanscaping"... take a look at her feet. If they look like an eagle's talons, run... run hard and run fast. You're Welcome. :)

   One of the women I work with said she doesn't feel like being bothered today so she's just going to leave the tampon wrapper right on top of my desk.

   I printed your status on toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with it.

   Girls who are shaped like hot pockets have no business taking full body pictures.

   I bet you're one of those people who take speed limit signs seriously.

   My kid stole this 'Student of the Month' bumper sticker off your car and put it on mine. And he beat your kid's ass.

   I do the same thing after pumping gas that I do after sex... (Sniff my fingers)

   Went deep-sea fishing with my neighbor yesterday. He was tough to get on the hook, but you should see the shark I caught!

   2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.

   Before I get into the shower at the gym I yell "Hey Fag!" If any one turns around I leave.

   ................................................................U know when guys pee and they shake their pen!s for that last drop? ..............................................That's how much gas I got for 2 dollars.

   Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is!