hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had..

   Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, So now theres a dell rolling in the deep.

   I told you officer, I cut the ass out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes....I don't know who crapped on your car.

   And then one day she realized she could never love a man who could name more than 2 Kardashians.

   Ghandi, MLK and Nelson Mandela are heroes of mine because they preached non-violence and also I don't think they wore Tap Out t-shirts.

   It's almost that time of year where I don't have to feel weird about eating cookies shaped like people.

   People hate pigeons because "they are dirty and spread diseases" but the Kardashians and the cast of Jersey Shore do it and pigeons don't hate them....just sayin

   When picking a song to represent your relationship, go for something obscure in case you ever break up. Mine is the National Anthem of Peru.

   I don't know why we just don't take a bunch of nukes and level the middle east and those towel heads once and for all

   Hey teenage girls, Santa saw your facebook. Now you're only getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

   Had a man with a Prius ask me for a jump start in the grocery store parking lot today. I threw a triple a battery at him. Good luck douche bag.

   Speed remake idea: In this version you can't EXCEED 30mph, Keanu is an old Asian lady, the bus is the car ahead of me, and it's not a movie.

   You know....spring must be just around the corner....I just saw 2 crackheads pawning a space heater....who needs a dumbass groundhog?

   I'm learning how to let things go, one throat at a time.

   I just gave the guy who called with the wrong number and woke up my newborn the Liam Niesen speech from Taken.

   Pretty sure the pope secretly has Marge Simpson hair

   Apparently, armored truck drivers don't really like surprise hugs as much as I thought they would

   Changing the wording to my previous post doesn't make the previous status any funnier

   The really great thing about working in the concert business is there is absolutely no way to prove that the weed smell is coming from me.