Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.

   Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it craps on your head.

   I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride.

   "Lol" is not a message worth replying to.

   You know that movie where the guy needs to keep his adrenaline level up or he dies? My weekend was just like that, except the opposite.

   Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!

   Why is a woman's fantasy a man who can read their minds? If we could, how would you manage to trick us into thinking you're aren't crazy?

   If I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.

   Facebook-stalking my future ex-girlfriend.

   My phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass! I guess this thing really is a smartphone.

   All the memories of my ex fall under the "What was I thinking!!" catagory... just like the night I chased tequilla with vodka!

   I wish I could have an out of body experience... especially when it's time to go to work.

   Why do Mexicans wear "sombreros?" Where else would they put their tacos while stealing your hub caps?

   In the strange event that you are buying condoms. Make sure they say 'bareskin' and not 'bearskin' trust me on this one.