Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon “I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but… it is 4th of July and I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 19:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze .....
←Rate | 08-06-2016 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hurricanes ✔️ Fires ✔️ Tiger running loose ✔️ Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
←Rate | 09-08-2017 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He asked “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer is a fat bald man and Marge has blue hair.”
←Rate | 02-28-2019 10:22 by DJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon writing, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book wrong?
←Rate | 04-05-2019 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want “Diet starts tomorrow” written on my tombstone.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at that age where food makes me fat.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "buttcheeks" one word or should I spread them apart?
←Rate | 10-08-2019 17:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 01:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Yoda from Star Wars last name was “Layeehoo”.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 17:35 by Cicci Comments (0)  


   messageicon we need funny material not people who think they are funny
←Rate | 02-06-2014 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
←Rate | 01-23-2016 06:49 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see Kanye West crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!
←Rate | 04-12-2016 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
←Rate | 04-15-2016 05:38 Comments (0)  




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