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“I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but… it is 4th of July and I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
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07-04-2012 19:47
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..... The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze .....
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08-06-2016 00:51
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It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
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01-02-2018 02:38 by
Jake
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Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
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04-10-2018 15:38
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Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.
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08-10-2020 14:43
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On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while.
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04-10-2017 11:30
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Hurricanes ✔️ Fires ✔️ Tiger running loose ✔️ Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
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09-08-2017 17:33
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Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
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09-27-2017 00:21
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I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He asked “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer is a fat bald man and Marge has blue hair.”
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02-28-2019 10:22 by
DJ
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writing, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book wrong?
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04-05-2019 08:56
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I want “Diet starts tomorrow” written on my tombstone.
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08-08-2019 06:10
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I'm at that age where food makes me fat.
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09-24-2019 15:35
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"buttcheeks" one word or should I spread them apart?
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10-08-2019 17:53
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Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
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07-13-2020 10:02
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My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
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04-19-2018 01:48 by
Kisstopher707
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I wonder if Yoda from Star Wars last name was “Layeehoo”.
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09-17-2018 17:35 by
Cicci
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we need funny material not people who think they are funny
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02-06-2014 18:06
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Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
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01-23-2016 06:49 by
huck
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If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see Kanye West crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!
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04-12-2016 01:02
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Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
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04-15-2016 05:38
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