Jake Funny Status Messages

   Why is it a man's opinion can be express in a few minutes. Where a woman's opinion takes an hour.

   Went to walmart and ask the woman's department attendant if they had maternity dresses. She said yes, what bust? I said the condom.

   To have a happy marriage assume your wife is always right.

   Why are there braille dots on the drive up ATM keys ?

   Egghead: What mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty

   My wife's coffee is so strong it puts hair on your chest........ And takes it off if you spill it.

   Guys don't appreciate being single untill they been married for awhile.

   My wife has a slight speach impediment........ Every now and then she stops to take a breath.

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   They say crime doesn't pay. So does that mean my job is a crime?

   People laugh at the inventor of nitrous oxide.

   In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.

   Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a t-shrit with the word life on it and hand out lemons.

   If your wife tells you that your right. Is that sarcasm?

   My brother has stop talking to his wife after she refused to join the mile high club with him. If I know her she doesn't give a flying fu*k.

   When asked why he was wearing a tuxedo to his vasectomy. Tyrone said, well if I'm gona be impotent, I might as well look impotent.

   20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash. no hope and no jobs. Hope nothing happens to kevin Bacon.

   Confuciushe says: Man who fight with wife all day, gets no piece at night.

   Can of Crisco $3.95 Body pillow $12.95 Box of condoms $9.95 Look on cashier's face...... Priceless.