Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Dear People Who Thought Ignoring Me Would Offend Me, HA HA HA HA HA!!!

   I'm fighting the worst case of bad breath EVER! It's tough holding a co-worker down while you brush his teeth.

   I don't understand the language you are speaking. Can you shut the f*ck up in that same language?

   Someday I hope to live in a city where the police DUI checkpoiints allow style points.

   I'm the Jason Bourne of finding an escape route out of the bar once the lights come on and reveal the creature I've been talking to.

   I don't believe I had the pleasure of meeting you, I mean I got your friend request, and accepted, greeted you, never heard from you! On the other hand, I do believe I'll have the pleasure of deleting you, that is certain.

   You know what don't make sense!!!? Fat people with skinny arms.......

   I try to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.

   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

   Sittin' in the Dr.'s office next to the "turn off cell phone" sign using my phone to share this with you. Because, yeah... that's how I f*ckin' roll. :)

   Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself.

   I tasted my own medicine. It's bacon flavored and hallucinogenic. Thanks for the advice!

   I went to a family style restaurant today and felt right at home. They yelled at me the entire time I was there.

   I'm surprised that the government hasn't tried to force me to be normal yet.

   Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed yo midunderstanding you.

   I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt. Undoubtedly, all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony.

   Women, will you PLEASE tell your breasts to stop staring at my Eyes!? It's very offputting! How Rude!

   Don't worry about where I got the tennis ball shooter. Do you want to fill it with meatballs and fire it at fat kids or not?

   It's weird how a crazy white woman gets away with murder and we STILL don't know who killed Tupac o.O

   Desperate for sex I headed to the local club and immediately started chatting to the 1st girl I saw and got right to the point. "Hey beautiful, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized." she replied.