Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   You never know who your real friends are until you are in need and then you'll be surprised who shows up.

   *Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower. (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."

   It's the beginning of the drinken! (thirsty Thursday, effed up Friday, sh!tfaced Saturday, sure why not it's Sunday,) maybe Monday, try not Tuesday and WTF I already drank all week Wednesday. Repeat.

   Ladies, it's common courtesy to let a guy know you're on your period before replying 'yes' to that "Lets chill" text.

   Finally clocking out! I'm off like a prom dress!

   All the M&M's in this bag are dead...

   I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

   Most of the fun things I've done have never been smart ideas.

   Why does Samsung think I want a TV that can update my Facebook status?

   If love is blind, and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet she just keeps on talking...

   We live in a world where dates like 11/11/11 make people happy :|

   I tried to stop a jukebox like the Fonz. In a related note I'm the proud owner of 15 new stitches, just in case you were wondering how cool I was.

   Yesterday I asked my girlfriend what she'd like for her birthday... She's still talking.

   I was just fired from my job as an ad executive for Nike. Apparently putting the 'Just do it' label on the crotch is considered "offensive and inappropriate."

   My girl jus told me that she is going to start "act like a woman and think like a man" so I guess that means when she is in the kitchen making a sandwich she is going to be thinking about sex!

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Valentine's Day is the day that the “V” and “D” come together ...

   When I go out to eat I put a tampon in my pocket. If my waitress acts like a c*nt guess what her tip is?

   If you think I care about what you think of me, then you've highly over estimated my opinion of you.

   thinks life is pleasant, death is peacefull... it's the transition that is troublesome.