Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend had auto correct long before iPhone.

   I went to the blockbuster store... and saw a caveman sitting in the corner trying to make fire by rubbing two VHS tapes together.

   It takes 17 muscles to smile but it only takes 1 finger to show the world how you feel.

   We used a blow up doll for a raft one time. You should have seen the looks on the parents faces. It was awesome. Giddyup!

   I was walking down a street today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought.. "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson!

   "Hahaha, nice!" = "I'd like you to stop talking to me now."

   Just donated my body to science. I'm your problem now, science and I could use some hot wings and beer.

   You ladies lied to me. Showing more thigh and accentuating my cleavage got me a trip to the HR office not a raise.

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   Oh I can see by your Four Square there that you just checked into Target. Be sure to notify us all when you check into therapy.

   When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.

   I offered a bum a ride this morning but she refused to get in the trunk. You just can't help some people.

   I'm so glad my car has that alarm for when I don't have my seatbelt on that reminds me to turn my radio up.

   With all the talent in America it looks like they could have found someone with it to host and judge the show...

   I hope Karma punches you in the face before I do.

   Wanna show your wife who's boss? Get her a mirror.

   Monday,.. that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   I can see movies at any time, I'd rather have BOOZE on demand...

   Well, Just crossed something else off my bucket list. I didn't do it I just got to damn old to do it.