Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   Who the f*ck threw this "work" thing right in the middle of my Facebook time? Am I being Punked?

   I sincerely hope you get stung by a jelly fish so I can finally pee on you without having to explain myself to the authorities.

   I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

   Hangovers ought to be called hangons because if it was over you'd feel much better for it.

   All I need to know is, listening to your girlfriend with both the ears open is multitasking right?

   How the hell do ballet dancers spin around so much and not get dizzy? I spin around twice on my seat at work and I vomit in the trash can.

   Anything required of me today besides laying here in bed will just have to wait till tomorrow.

   I had sex with an ohmless person last night. There was very little resistance. (most of you will be too dumb to get this)

   I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.

   I might be the worst car passenger ever, but that's mostly because I'm a better driver than you and everyone else, so I can't help that.

   So the NSA will stop molesting me at the airport now, right?

   Are you really worried that much about your internet history in the afterlife? Everyone knows you masturbate to porn, don't worry. No one needs to clear it when you die.

   For sale: one toilet, one toilet seat and one roll of toilet paper. Because I just don't give a sh*t.

   So I ordered an industrial electric motor online and modified my ceiling fan, so now I have off, high, tornado, and hurricane. And oddly, a self cleaning house now.....

   I wonder how long it will take for the Adult XXX 'Hannah does Montana' video series to come out?

   Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...

   We're F*cked. The president in 2050 is going to have Tribal sleeves and use the word "bro" in all his presidential speeches.

   If gas gets any more expensive, I'll have to file for tankruptcy!

   If I ever become president, everyone will recieve a pet unicorn and a midget sidekick.